Changes and Coping
by narglesandbowties
Summary: James Potter was such an annoying git. There must've been a huge transformation before Lily even considered him. Here's my slightly angsty take on that transformation.


The James Potter that returned to Hogwarts for his final year, he was almost recognizable. The still dashing boy had become a man, but a quiet, subdued man. His friends, rather than leaving their altered ringleader behind, only grew closer to him, as if shielding him from the outside world. If anything, his best friend Sirius appeared to share his pain.

When the Daily Prophet arrived the following day, the school suddenly knew why: James Potter's parents, weakened by old age, had died of dragonpox.

The pain of losing his parents, though lessened by the lack of violence in their deaths, took a great toll on the former trickster. Suddenly, he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was all grown up now, with no parents to care for him. His status as captain and Head Boy only added to this. Grudgingly, he shouldered his burden and buried himself in his duties to forget his pain. But in forgetting his pain he seemed to forget something else...the pursuit of Lily Evans.

Lily assumed that after he finished grieving, his pestering would resume. She patrolled the corridors with a man whose brow, wrinkled with a frown, eventually smoothed. His saddened silence became cordial, and suddenly James Potter emerged from his shell.

Life-living became precious to him. James and his friends began to treasure every moment of their time left at Hogwarts as children. When they went back into the world, they would be facing a new threat of darkness and thrown into the dangers of adulthood. The Marauders resumed their jokes, but their sole purpose was to cheer up their classmates. They would do anything to distract from the oncoming storm. The Gryffindor quidditch team won the cup in a rare undefeated season. James Potter went above and beyond in his Head Boy duties and in his studies.

And still, Lily Evans remained ignored.

Sure, they talked on patrols. He was kind, courteous, and sociable to her. Not a single flirtatious or teasing remark left his lips. He had finally granted her wish and left her alone.

_Shouldn't she be happy? Isn't this what she had begged for? If so, then why was it bothering her so much?_

Well one, because half of the reasons why she had loathed him so much were gone. James had even stopped bullying Severus, though Lily had long since stopped sticking up for her former friend. The new James was studious, charming, responsible, dedicated...everything a girl could want.

_Then why do I miss the old James so much? The obnoxious one? The rude and clever one?_

_Maybe it's because that one cared for me. Oh,_ she realized with a shock. _Oh my god. I__miss__ the attention! Me, Lily Evans, miss being teased by James Potter! You__liked____it. You__liked____him"._

This realization hit her like a rock, so much so that she nearly jumped in midair during patrols.

"You alright?" said not-James, his face full of concern.

"Fine," she said frustratingly. Startled at her tone, he turned and resumed his patrol.

_And now you're getting angry at him for being concerned about you? What is wrong with you Lily? Snap out of it!_

But she couldn't snap out of it. Instead, she grew more and more frustrated until one night she blurted out, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? AREN'T YOU GOING TO INSULT ME? FLIRT WITH ME? JINX ME, FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST BE NORMAL!"

James whirled around, a fire in his eyes that she had never seen before. Just as she was about to apologize for her uncharacteristic outburst, he responded.

"Be normal? BE normal? What, I finally do what Princess Lily Evans asked of me and her highness gets bored and wants a change? Will I _ever_ be good enough for Princess Lily? Oh sure, forget the fact that my parents just DIED, forget the fact that I finally see myself how you saw me all those years, an obnoxious prick, and try to change my life. I'm sorry, _so damn sorry_, that I finally honored your wishes and left you alone when it's one of the hardest things I've had to do. Really, I am. I just figured that maybe with your brains, you would deduce that maybe I've had enough heartbreak for one year and don't have the strength to deal with your constant rejections anymore!"

As he stood and yelled at her, tears in the corner of his eyes, his body shaking, Lily felt waves of guilt and shame wash over her.

_How could I be so selfish? He becomes a better man and I yell at him for it? Maybe I am just a tease...a worthless tease who only wants something when it gets away from her..._

The tears that never left his eyes leave hers instead. "And you shouldn't have to" Lily whispers. "I don't deserve a man like you, not in the slightest. Spoiled princess is right. You deserve everything you've always wanted. And I guess that includes this..."

She leaned in and pressed her lips softly to his still shaking body, half expecting him to angrily throw her away and leave her there. That's what she deserved, after all. She just wanted to give him what he had been wanting for so long, what she now wanted, even if this desire was no longer shared.

Needless to say she was surprised as his body stiffened, then strong arms quickly wrapped themselves around her, one about her face and one cradling her head of fiery red hair. The kiss deepened as Lily felt her world spinning. She had been kissed before, but never like this. Its hungry, aggressive approach left her weak at the knees, yet there was a hint of loving affection that kept her hanging on for more.

When they parted for air, James luckily kept his arms around her. She wasn't sure if she could've stood by herself.

"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that", he whispered roughly, with the wolfish grin that Lily had missed so desperately.

They never finished patrols that night.


End file.
